I never imagined that I could be this happy. I really don't want to say that I changed in the last ten years, but I believe there is a clear difference from the person I was in my 20s to who I am now. Back then I thought that if you loved someone you were supposed to get married and have a happy family and that love would see it though. Then I thought that love meant staying together married and miserable. Just hoping for a chance of mercy and grace that would change the person I loved into someone I could love.
Lord help me, I tried to stay by my decisions. Prove that I was right. Prove that I could make my life what I wanted and expected for life, not letting life happen to me. I got married because I wanted to be married. I tried to stay married because I wanted to be able to say I made the right choice. I left my marriage for love, and I wanted that to be the right choice. Hell I tried to stay with that man because I could not admit that this relationship was a failure and that I made the wrong choice. Getting married, falling for a man while I was married, and leaving the marriage, were all choices I made. I made these choices only to realize all too late that I was wrong and that neither man should have ever held the keys to my heart.
Last night was a Friday night, we were supposed to work on Saturday morning but really not that much was different than a normal evening at home. As I sat on the couch, wrapped in the arms of my husband, the dog was at my feet and my daughter asleep on the floor because she wanted to watch one more show, I realized that I have everything I wanted, it just didn't come the way I thought. I have a strong loving marriage to a true partner who supports me and helps me in every endeavor. We hate being apart, we talk constantly throughout the day and if we can't we both burst when we get home and desperately try to remember everything we wanted to say. I have a boy and a girl, both brilliant and strong, only in ways that test and annoy me, and it is such a special love. I can't believe how happy I am.