Having to deal with the choices I have made in this life has been one of the hardest things I have overcome. Being able to look at myself in the mirror and know that I tried to make the right decision, and I was the one hurt the most by all of them. Most importantly to know those feelings so not make those mistakes again. What I have learned from my choices seem like priceless pieces of life and knowledge and I wanted to share them, maybe they could help you.
1. You can't help who you love. You could fall for many people in this life, not all of them are going to be worth it.
Do your best to get to know a person before letting them know how you feel about them. They might reveal part of themselves much later and you might not like them as much as you thought. If you have already told them you love them it is too hard to explain why you don't anymore. Most of all you CANNOT make them love you.
2. You can't help who falls in love with you. We have all been there, a good friend or some weirdo, in class or at work, has fallen in love with you. Admit right now that sometimes you are that weirdo. You don’t hear any bells ringing or sparks flying but that person is ready to devote the rest of their life to being with you. Please refer them to rule #1.
3. Do not lie to yourself. Look at yourself in the mirror or write down your thoughts on paper. If your friends are; 1) wondering why you are in a relationship, 2) how you could put up with it, 3) want to know why you took him back, 4) are tired of hearing you complain. You get the point. If you have been lying to yourself, it is time to tell the truth. While the two men I referred to before lied to me constantly over the course of our relationships, it was the lies I told myself that did the most damage. He does love me. It will be better. It’s not like that when it’s just the two of us. He will change; a)when we get married, b) when we have a baby. I continued relationships based on the lies I told myself instead of ending the relationship with the liers.
4. The day you meet that person you are going to spend the rest of your life with, that is when your time together starts.
Your time together starts at “YES” not at “I DO”. Yes I will go on a date, yes, here is my number. When that person leaves and you jump up and down YES! YES! YES! This is when your time together starts. I promise that if you are both honest to yourselves and to each other you will not need a piece of paper or a ring to make that person stay with you.
I fell hard for the nursery rhyme “first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes a baby in a baby carriage.”
Oh he said he loved me, we are going to get married and have babies…WRONG, WRONG WRONG.
5. Breaking up is hard to do. Breaking up a typical relationship only happens two ways. You want out of the relationship, or worse, they want out of the relationship.
Honestly, if the other person wants out, let them go. It is going to hurt so bad; but you have to quit being with them. You will need boyfriend rehab, you will go through withdrawals, and you will want to get back with him. I recommend, going back to college, read books, tv/movies, puzzles, chocolate, girls nights, volunteer, delete their number even the one you have memorized. Stay busy, if you are not doing ALL of the things on this list, you are just dragging out the pain. The sooner you feel productive and that your life has worth without a man the better you will feel. (a bit extreme but breakups suck)
If you are the one who wants to break up, do not toy with them. Tell them how you feel. You don’t have to be mean but be honest. Be aware that they are going to hurt and confused.
If you are in a more complicated relationship because of physical or mental abuse I suggest that you seek private councilor or assistance from an agency more capable to handle such extreme circumstances.